"Don't even think about getting married. Finish your studies first, then get a nice paying job, a house, a nice car (motorcycle doesn't count), THEN think about getting married."
So what's the problem, then? This is. Many parents, and even students associate marriage whilst studying means losing one or two grades in your studies. Quite unlikely to be the opposite, because they see it as a distraction. Hey, I think my laptop with 3G internet connection is a bigger distraction than my girlfriend (if I have one!). Food, is a distraction. A bug on the wall is a distraction. The interesting graphic printed on your roommates shirt, distraction. Anything can be one, if you let it be. Including a girl, or a man (for the ladies).
Often we look at marriage and education through a single lens, when you shouldn't. Happiness in marriage is not dependent of your level of education--only the financial part. And your education is almost independent of whatever relationship status you're in. One lens for education, and that's FOCUS, and another for marriage (_______) you fill in the blank. What type of marriage do you want?
In some cases, getting married actually boosts our grades, as it gives us that morale. If we've been scoring in school to please our parents, now we have another mission; score to secure. Getting married means to be mature, and written between the lines; responsibility. It builds you up slowly, from being dependent to being your own man, to being someone else's. Or woman. It makes sense, right? Score Uno, to marriage.
Flip the page, and suddenly marriage seemed like a sin, when you're with the books. In a way, we are taught to believe that the foundation of being prepared for marriage is mainstream education. That scroll in your hand, when you graduate, doesn't say 'I'm ready to get married', unless of course, by marriage you mean get a job. So YES, most of us aren't prepared for it, neither am I (which is why I'm writing this post, to get y'all to agree with me to get married quickly. Kidding), but education doesn't prep us for that. Parents could guide us, father-son bonding session maybe? Either that, or you let your son / daughter to learn by trial and error. In other words, date around, and risking heartaches from breakups. <-- That, is a sin.
Some of us don't tell everything to our parents, especially something personal. If they tell you they want to get married, and you deny them immediately without reasoning (positively) with them, they will retaliate, and some, date anyways.
The purpose of marriage is to make it halal for them to do all those couple stuff. And halal means barakah. Barakah, means success, here-- and hereafter. InsyaAllah. But if they dwell in the untied dating world, then it's relatively harder to get that peace.
"My child is not ready for it. He / She will ruin it in a blink of an eye,"
"Aid them. You're married, you should know the dos and don't"
Our sons throwing fists in the streets over candy is bad, but firing arms in the army is a huge pride for us.
Same concept.
Oh by the way, saying 'i want to get married' doesn't make you 'gatal', as the malay slang for 'pervert'. It means you're up for a faithful, and righteous path. Support, don't mock.
Signing out, your bro,
Hafidz Iddin
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