When I was in primary school, I was labeled as one of the bright students. I was never lower than the 2nd class in school, every year. For UPSR I got straight A's and the same results for PMR in secondary school. I got in the prefectorial board without an interview, and in my senior years I was the assistant head student ( Penolong Ketua Pengawas ?). Then I went to college, scored an almost perfect score, and managed to earn a place in my first choice of university, in my first choice of course. To say, I had it all. So am I not grateful for that? I am. It's just that sometimes getting everything at your first attempt, you slam harder on the floor the moment you slip, even the slightest one. That second might happen at any time in my journey, it's become a fear. I could lose everything, at any given moment. What do I do then?
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Say you're going to buy a packet of nasi lemak.
You walk to your regular stall, it's open when it could be closed that day.
You grab a packet of nasi lemak, when it could've run out then.
You payed for it, when you might've lost your money elsewhere.
You took it home safely, when you might've dropped it somewhere.
You eat it and it's still good, when it could've gone bad.
You digest it, when you could've purge.
Food turns to energy, and it's yours.
All that, and so much more. Anywhere in the process, what seems to be yours, could be taken away from you, or is not yours to take in the beginning. No matter how hard you try, if it's not yours, if Allah says it's not yours, you'll never get your hands on it. I'm there. What if, today I get enrolled in a top university, next year I get kicked out? What if, today I can write, draw, sketch, tomorrow my arms will go numb? This isn't about gratitude, that's elementary. This is about gripping what you still have, while God says you can have it.
I'm sure we've all been there. Anticipating something so badly, we plan A-Z, conditioning all the variables to favor us. We were so sure that it would go perfect, but what happened, it happened in the worst way it could've happened. It happens, as a reminder. We just forget.
So the question comes to mind, what is it in his world that is truly ours, and our odds of having it will rise proportional to how hard we chase after it? Allah. Chase His eternal love, and it will be yours. And when you have Him by your side, what's there to fear?
If you are going to give me the "You can' just rely on God, you've to work hard for it if you want something," i agree with you, work hard, persevere, and other stuff. So where does my words go? It's so you would know that it won't last forever, the worldly things. After working your ass off for it, and you fall. You fall to Allah. Whenever you are given a way, make it a path to Him, make it beneficial for yourself, for your family, for your ummah, for anything. So long as it's positive.
"It will not be yours, until it is truly yours. That it will only go, if you let it go."
"How will I know then?"
"You don't. You just gotta hold on to it as if it were to fall away any second, every moment of your life."
Here's another one;
You're in a race, say a 400m sprint. Every moment in the race, if you slack off, you could lose it. From start to end, you run. You're in first place, reaching in the finishing line, you trip and fall. You might be a world champion, but that doesn't mean you never lose. It means you get back up, dust yourself, and move on.
You learn by winning, you learn by losing. You learn as you give, you learn as you take. Lessons are all around us. Be amazing, be humble, be You tee full. Get it?
If I fall, I hope it is for the best. God works in mysterious ways. Wallahu'alam.
-Hafidz Iddin
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